I wonder if there is anybody out there who would always answer yes if someone asked them if they felt they were sexy?
When I was a teenager, I always felt I was the one that the lads were not interested in. For some obscure reason at a size 8 or 10 on my worst days, I defined myself as fat. Oh to be so obese these days! Why did boys not like me way back then? Too much of the swot perhaps, too unattractive, not enough make-up, who knows?
Off I went to college with high hopes that as female students were in the minority, I must stand a chance of a fella there. There was the odd dalliance and one guy really seemed to want to be with me but he was a bit odd which perhaps says it all about me lol! I had my crushes but used to balk if those boys showed any interest - too scared of being laughed at or hurt.
That pattern of backing off from people I really liked continued for a long time. I don't think it is any coincidence that it was older men I ended up with. They probably had the experience to see through all my bluster and see the quaking soul beneath. Mind you, my husband's first impression of me was that I was a "hard-faced, feminist cow" so perhaps that was a bit off-putting. With him, his interest was sparked the first time he saw me drunk followed by a keen interest when I descended some stairs in a short black skirt to answer the dooor to him. It is said that just like my mum I have a cracking pair of legs.
At my age and with three children, the body tells its own story. I am overweight and have stretchmarks in a wide array of shades. Him Indoors appears to still find me sexy or perhaps is just over-sexed. Either way, I am not complaining.
I found an old menu from a college function the other day. Some of the comments surprised me.
"To Kate, the sexiest"
"I want to sit next to you all the time"
"Kiss me, Kate"
"One minute I am skewered by Cupid's arrow and the next I am signing your menu"
Those are just a selection.
It made me wonder. What if I was sexy all those years ago and didn't bloody know it? Maybe I had it wrong all the time and was actually a siren to some. It doesn't hurt to think so, does it?