Today, I am under pressure.
My brother is coming to stay for 2 days.
I have exactly the same feeling that I used to have so often with my late Mum. Right in the solar plexus, a feeling that I will not measure up despite hours of preparation in terms of tidying up, cleaning and so on.
At Christmas, he complained that his room was not "up to my standards" after my daughter tried to make it festive by making "snow" out of polystyrhene balls. I did sweep them up but some remained down the cracks in the wooden floor.
I was told when I felt absolutely despairing at once again being blamed for everything that goes wrong whilst never getting praise for what I do right, that I was not "giving me a warm enough welcome".
Then he threatened to leave which was emotional blackmail as he knew by doing so I would end up in trouble with my Dad. For some reason I cannot fathom, both Mum and Dad favoured him over my other brother and myself.
So I have swept floors, hoovered carpets, mopped floors, used white vinegar and room sprays liberally. I have used Cillit Bang on surfaces and bought brand new duvet and bedding for him.
Will it be good enough? I doubt it.
For some reason, I feel judged already and he is not even here. Not looking forward to those looks of disdain over the next couple of days.
In many ways he is lovely but he has that cruel streak too. It leaves you guessing whether it will be heaven or hell. Not a nice feeling and immobilises me.
Who makes you feel under pressure and why?
If you want to cheer me up, can I put you under some pressure to nominate me kindly for the following blog awards?