I have a guilty secret. Something I don't often talk about although it takes up a fair amount of my thoughts and feelings.
I would like to be great. One of those people that is remembered as making a difference to the world. Someone to look up to. Unforgettable and for all the right rather than the wrong reasons.
When I was little, I wanted to be a great writer. That dream still exists and my blog is my little way of making that happen in a tiny way. I would like to be interviewed by a magazine asking me what I think of life issues of the day. At the top, I would like it to say writer or PR guru and possibly charity campaigner.
When I became addicted to Crown Court on the telly, I wanted to be a barrister. Later I wanted to be like that female solicitor Gareth who did such good work on miscarriage of justice cases. In a small way, I did this in advice agencies kicking ass when people were being treated like shit by authorities.
Today I was listening to the guy who amputated his own arm to fight his way to freedom when trapped by a boulder. It made me question things. He seemed to say that what really matters is love and relationships, not accomplishments, qualifications and the like.
I have a loving family. Is that really all that matters in the end in which case I have just wasted decades of time and energy beating myself up for not being good enough?
When I wrote my Mum's eulogy, I picked out things like her making scones. Is it those little things that make us special or should I continue my doomed quest for greatness?
Do you want to be great, recognised, acknowledged?
If so, who by?