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Thursday, 1 July 2010

Lonely is not good

At the weekend, I visited my Dad and brother. My brother stage-managed a situation so that he and I were alone together for a while. His eyes welled up as he told me how he longs for a personal relationship. He is a man who has dedicated himself to a career involving a lot of travel so although he has many friends spread across the world, he lacks that special someone.
My Mum died last year and he was very close to her and cared for her in the final months of her life along with my Dad. I feel Mum's loss deeply but I think it has totally devestated my brother in a different way. Even though they may often wind me up, I do have a lovely husband and 3 children to think about. They can make me laugh on the very worst days of grief and easily provide that all-important future focus.
My brother has lots to offer. He is a talented and interesting person who has travelled the globe and has many stories to tell. He knows lots about music and many other things too. He is good company most of the time apart when he is feeling vulnerable when he can be irritable and sometimes, like most of us in the family, that bit arrogant. I wrote a lonely hearts advert for him which appears below on my blog. He does not know. I don't suppose it will lead to anything but I would so like to help him fill that void in his life that he clearly feels so very deeply.
Of course, we get our lives often based on our previous actions. My brother is gay and has clearly cruised in his time. He tells me that he had his heart broken in his mid-twenties and made a decision at that point to never let it happen again. So his relationships have been cool and short-term to date. Now he finds himself older and lonely. He is terrified that when Dad passes away, he will have nobody.
This leads him to idolise the idea of a one on one relationship which for people in one, like myself, makes you laugh. He still has that concept that most of us lose in our teenage years about the romance of all time fixing all the ills in his world. I have to remind him that relationships are bloody hard work and involve lots of compromises and working out whether being together is a positive or a negative on balance.
However, it is lovely to have somebody to point things out to on days out. It is great to be able to debate politics or current affairs with somebody without coming to blows. It is wonderful to know that somebody is absolutely on your side even when your thinking is a bit skewed. And it is the best thing in the world to feel loved and confident in cuddling up.
I hope my brother finds his special somebody and I hope it works out for him.
Do you know anybody who deserves to be loved and finds themselves alone?


  1. I hope he finds somebody too, especially when he seems to be at a point where he feels he needs a relationship. Lovely post. Maria x

  2. Loneliness is an awful feeling. No matter how many friends or family you have, you still need that special someone to live, love and laugh with.He will find that someone, probably when he's not looking. x

  3. I really hope that your brother finds someone special. You seem like a lovely sister, and it's great that he feels that he can talk to you.x

  4. Sorry, my brother's already taken. Lovely writing and I hope he finds someone.