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Monday, 11 October 2010

Should I stay or should I go?

I am an adopted person. There are many aspects of this facet of my life that I could blog about and probably will but for now, let me talk about a very special invitation from an equally special lady.

My birth mum had me in the late sixties. Apparently London was well and truly swinging with dance bands and the like at that time. So I guess I can reassure myself that I am the product of a damn good night out.

My birth mum was Irish and returned to Ireland at some point settling down with a husband and have 4 children in wedlock. I was one of several children that she adopted out.

I did find out about her and traced her and we have swapped a few letters. My social worker tells me I am very much like my birth mum in terms of the things that interest me even down to her being into women's groups and learning. Nature, nurture - interesting!

Several years ago, I used the power of the Internet to track down my siblings in Ireland. I managed to find two of the four. I contacted them thinking that they knew all about me. They didn't and it was tense for a while but we agreed to have some loose contact.

I am most frequently in touch with Lucy (not her real name). She is a midwife and married and as she lives away from her parental home perhaps has more leeway in being in touch with me.

A couple of weeks ago, she raised the possiblity of me going out to Ireland to meet her for the first time. I find myself very excited at this prospect. I have always wanted to meet one of my blood relatives and know my firstborn son was extra special as he fulfilled that want/need to some extent. I ask Lucy if we will have a Jeremy Kyle moment as we dissolve into tears and emotional outpourings. She tells me that is unlikely as she is a tough cookie but who knows? Neither of us can predict how it will go really. I admire us both for picking up the pieces of other people's mistakes in the past.

I could stay here and be a coward but that would not fit with the great fire-walking, comprehensive to Cambridge real me. The real me is masked well under a fat frump at the moment but somewhere inside the spark remains.

Then the question becomes whether I should go alone, with my husband and children or with a friend. I think a friend would be the best option (note to self - need to locate a friend!). Although, I also suspect Lucy would like to meet my husband and children too. One step at a time maybe.

It also amuses me that Lucy battles in genuine sibling rivalry with Hannah my other half-sister. Looking at Hannah's profile, I think I am probably more like her than Lucy. So Lucy may well hate me on sight but here's hoping not.

So should I stay or should I go? What do you think?


  1. How could you not go? Life is short so if it was me I'd personally take this opportunity. It may be a bit daunting but anything worth having doesn't always come easy. Good luck.

  2. Go! You'll regret it if you don't :)

  3. Definitely go, you'll forever wonder "What if?" if you don't. x

  4. Go. As the daughter of someone adopted in the 60's I hate that I dont know that side of the family. There may be cousins, aunts, uncles that I dont know. Its a sore subject with my Mum, shes chosen not to find out who her birth parents are and I respect that its her descision, personally for me though and even more so after having my son, I am dying to know and always will be. If you dont do it your going to always wonder what if. You only live once and the worst that can happen is you meet once and never meet again but at least you did it. x

  5. Go if you want but don't expect great things. At least your birth mother didn't abort you, she was young. My husband discovered, by someone contacting our daughter, that his dad was a bigamist and had this whole other family. Fortunately, both his mum & dad are dead so it hasn't caused any upset especially as his dad died when he was 10 so didn't really know him & hubbie's other family siblings are all dead too. Incidently, my first husband's father was a bigamist too. There'll be loads of people wandering around who are related who don't know, the product of a 'good night'. It's only a big thing if you make it one.