Slept well last night for the first time in ages. Cure for insomnia - Mum tells you she is dying and they will not offer treatment. Who would have thought it?
Lurching between tears and strength today. Email from my brother tells me I am positive, constructive but possibly the most vulnerable in the family.
My sadness differs from my brothers', complicated by being adopted and by having children that will also be bereaved.
Mum says the worst thing was telling us. I guess you are a Mum for ever and that it is never easy, just a different set of challenges over time.
Need to let relevant people know so they can offer support to Mum.
Hate the idea of a disease being in control of such a feisty woman.
Am I over-playing everything? Shouldn't I find something funny to blog about? Will return with laughter I hope.
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I am so sorry. I know that my words don't fix anything, but I just wanted you to know.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't worry if you don't find something funny in every situation, sometimes you just need to feel blue.
Blogging your way through pain can be very therapeutic. Don't be afraid to do it! When I lost my mum 10 years ago now, I found this wonderfully comforting:
ReplyDelete"The young mother set her foot on the path of life
‘Is this the long way?’ she asked
And the guide said ‘ Yes, and the way is hard, you will be old before you reach the end of it…but the end will be better than the beginning.
But the young mother was happy and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years
So she played with her children and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams
The sun shone on them and the young mother cried ‘ Nothing will ever be lovelier than this’
Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold
The mother drew them closer and covered them with her mantle and the children said ‘Mother we are not afraid, for you are near and no harm can come’.
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead.
The children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary
But at all times she said to the children, ‘A little patience and we are there’
So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said ‘Mother we would not have done it without you’
And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years
The mother grew old, but her children were tall and strong and walked with courage
And when the way was rough they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather.
At last they came to a hill and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide
And mother said ‘ I have reached the end of my journey, and now I know that the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone and their children after them’
And the children said ‘You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates’
And they stood and watched her as she went on alone and the gates closed after her
And they said ‘We cannot see her but she is with us still. A mother like ours is more than a memory, she is a living presence…’
Your mother is always with you
She ‘s the cool hand on your brow when you are ill
She’s the scent of delicate sweet peas in a white vase
She’s the whisper of leaves as you walk in your garden
Your mother lives inside your laughter, and is crystallized inside every teardrop you shed
She’s the place you came from; Your first home
And she’s the map you follow with every step you take
She’s your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you
Not time …. not space … not even death."
You can only get through this in the best way you can. Whether that's by writing your blog or talking to your friends, I don't know. But I do know that it's vitally important NOW and will be later too, for you to keep open the dialogue between you and your Mum. Don't be afraid to tell her how you feel, your doubts, your fears, your concerns. Together you'll find a way forward and she sounds such a wonderfully strong person, I'm sure you'll be able to help each other.
ReplyDeleteI'm at a loss as to what to write that might offer you the meerest piece of comfort at this time. I also feel that nothing I could say could bring any comfort, but just wanted to let you know that someone is thinking of you all. I hope you find the strength to take comfort and joy from tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your mum.
ReplyDeleteMy dad is very ill at the moment.
It's hard going, you sound like a very strong person. Best wishes to you and your family.