I am in the strangest mood. Mum is going for her MRI scan results today so finally we will have some proper information. This feels good but then again I also in the same moment want to run away and pretend all this is not happening. As daft as it sounds, St Patrick's Day acts as a useful focal point that life is continuing despite our own family crisis.
Offered for my other half to drive Mum for the results but with that feisty, independent spirit, this was an offer refused. I knew it would be. How can we help when she is like that with us? I know she has always being the helper, the organiser and so on. She clings on to this till the end. She was telling me the other day how she is looking for things to sell to raise money for a 3 year old child who needs medical equipment for a life-threatening condition. She was also running round after my brother because he has flu. All of this when she is tired and in pain.
My constant bouts of crying have waned over the last couple of weeks. I now am having real trouble in sleeping waking up almost every hour during the night. Is this connected to the mum situation or something else?
Last night my four year old daugther asked me why I was not happy and said she would sit with me until I was happy again. Mothers and daugthers - the most wonderful and complex relationship in the world.