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Monday, 8 March 2010

Netting a Mum or Two

As a parent of children aged 9, 5 and 4 years, I have a long online history with the wonderful Netmums, the website that informs, educates and most importantly, supports mums as they face all the challenges that come along with the joys of motherhood.
I have felt very isolated as a stay at home mum and Netmums provided some form of sanity in the dark days of post-natal depression. For probably 3 years, I have toyed with the idea of meeting up with other mums and for about a year since relocating have had regular email contact with my local Coordinator.
In November last year, hiding behind my children and other half, I attended a great Halloween Party run by Netmums locally. Then with the New Year, I summoned up the courage to attend their regular Music Class with my 4 year old son. Still nervous, still not feeling quite myself, still finding it hard to remember quite who I was before becoming a parent.
Here's to the local Coordinator who always gives a warm welcome to everyone, mums, dads and children alike. She is a total star, always friendly even when going through her own not so good stuff. One of those angels masquerading as a human being,
I hate soft play centres with a passion but will go along to meets there too. It is something for me and something for my 4 year old who misses his sibling when they are at school. Last time, while I was getting a coffee, the mums moved tables. This was enough to set off one of my confidence crises. Mantra to self that they have moved to a bigger table for space, negative self-talk tells me they have moved to get away from me. So sometimes I feel the fear and do it anyway and sometimes I want to curl up in a ball. But I keep trying and that has to be a good thing.
Last week, I attended a Swap Shop night taking along my trash hoping to rescue someone else's trash by seeing it as treasure. My husband dropped me off with me saying I would probably be a hour or so tops. As the car drove away, panic sets in. I ring the bell on the front door - no reply. I knock - no reply. Try to quieten the nagging voice of self-doubt. Back door proves more fruitful and I have my speech already for the mum I have not met before who is hosting. Local Coordinator actually answers the door so I have to rewrite my opening gambit. There is a good welcome with "What would you like to drink?". I work out that alcohol might free me up a bit and accept a glass or red wine. There is a buffet too and mums keep arriving and as I watch, I see I am not the only hesitant or shy person in the room. Maybe I am just human. Maybe that is OK. Later, we all present our stuff and everyone apologises for the quality of theirs - do all women put themselves down so naturally? As a group, we boost each other and comment positively and enthusiastically on people's offerings. It seems one person's trash really is another's treasure and I celebrate both that some people want my stuff and the lovely bedding set, coat and alarm clock that I put in my bag.
I am comfy enough to talk of my late Mum who died exactly six months ago. I bring earrings that she bought in her last weeks, swapping a lifetime of high street shopping for internet shopping when she become bed-bound. I stress that I am not being morbid, rather celebrating a great woman. Laugh at myself a bit and share a little of my experience of having boudoir shots done - letting people in a little. Perhaps that is all it takes. So here's to Netting a Mum or two and to many good times ahead. Thank you wonderful Mums!


  1. What a lovely article. I work for Netmums and this made me feel like my job is so worthwhile and brings out all the best things about Netmums and its fantastic supportive members. Thanks you so much for such an inspiring read!

  2. Hello, I'm Siobhan, from Netmums too. Your blog has ben been posted in the Netmums "staff room" and I think Nicola speaks for all of us when she says it makes our job worthwhile to read your story. x

  3. What a lovely blog. I am also a chairmum for the Meet-ups in my area and it's lovely to hear such nice things.

  4. I'm a Netmums Chairmum and I hope I manage to touch someone in the way you seem to have been. I'm really pleased you took that step to go to a meet up, well done. Carla x

  5. Its a lovely read and I think speaks for most mums, thank you for sharing it.
    As a Netmums Chair-mum & Local Coordinator it makes me so proud that what other Chair-mums and myself do, makes a difference everyday
    Well done & take care, Michelle x

  6. How inspiring to read this, it is lovely to think Netmums can reach out and touch the lives of mums in this way. I work for Netmums as an on line health visitor and it is so encouraging to hear first hand examples like this of how Netmums has helped someone.

    Thank you for sharing this

    Best wishes

  7. That's absolutely amazing how an online community can branch out touch your real life as well. I understand your anxiety problems and suffered from similar symptoms when I was at university. I could hardly walk into a room without feeling like everyone was trying to put one over me. Feel the fear and do it anyway helped me too. The Susan Jeffers book really opened my eyes to new ways of seeing things. I bet more mums than we all realize get a bit shy and awkward after spending so much of their lives looking after kids. Good for you and the others for getting past it.

  8. I've just started as a Netmums co-ordinator and your post has inspired me - Thanks!